Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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