Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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