The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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