he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
