On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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