i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
