I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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