I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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