i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
