I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
