You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
