shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
