that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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