Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
sarcasm needs its own font
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
