Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
