Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
