either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
do herpes really smell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
