I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize