If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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