It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i believe in u and ur pee
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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