I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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