Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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