yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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