he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
