she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
