I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
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My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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