You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
