Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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