Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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