We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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