I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
