He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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