sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Two words: nipple clamps
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