He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
