i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
