Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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