as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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