I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
