new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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