i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
