If i come over, it means nothing
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
