We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
