i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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