so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I supernannyed him into submission
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
