Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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