You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
