I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
