hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
