tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
God, I missed his penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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