I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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