Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
