Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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