Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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