just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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