I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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