I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
