I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
