I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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