I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this boner is exhausting
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
