I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
