I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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