I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize