So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
