i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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