I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
