Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize