I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
