I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
