Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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