Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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