I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
