Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
