i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.