I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround