On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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