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I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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