I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.