It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.