RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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