i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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