he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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