No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
