Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You just made me feel so damn special
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
