i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
