Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
