I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
