I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
