I need help removing her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
