It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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