Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
