AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
